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Funny Monday

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says, “Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?”
The rabbit says “no”, so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Who said chivalry is dead?
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6 COMMENTS

  1. World’s four shortest books:

    1) Jewish Sports Legends
    2) Polish Hall of Fame
    3) Italian War Heroes
    4) Negroes I have met whilst yachting

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  2. Paddy the Irishman stumbles out of a pub, and staggers home through a park. In some bushes, he hears a woman say “fancy a quick one? ” Paddy can’t believe his luck so he crawls into the bushes for some fun. Minutes later a cop walks by with and hears the commotion, shines his torch toward the noise, and asks”what’s going on in there!!??” Paddy quickly replies “Oh, sorry officer I was just making love to my wife.”. The cop apologizes and says “sorry, I didn’t know” to which Paddy replies “I didn’t know EITHER till you shined dat f*ckin light in her face!”

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  3. It’s funny how a single event can make you realise you’re getting on in years.

    I saw a young girl in a mini skirt yesterday & all I could think was, ”I bet she’s cold.”

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    • The only joke I can ever remember off the top of my head is, courtesy of ‘Blackie’ from Radio Hauraki.

      How do you circumcise a whale?
      Send down four skin divers.

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  4. A sick one from my late best friend Aaron, who died of brain cancer aged 45 two years ago:

    A young boy walks in on his parents “doing it”, and is disgusted by the sight. He retreats from the room in shock. Dad says “i better go have a chat with Junior”. Dad covers up and walks down the hall to find his son. He notices light underneath the bedroom door where Grandma sleeps, opens the door, and Junior is in her bed. “What THE”… Junior says to his Dad- “Not so funny when it’s YOUR mother is it!”

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  5. This is a story about
    A Fly, a Fish, a Bear
    A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.

    There is a moral to this story……

    In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.

    The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,

    ‘Gosh..if I go down three inches I will feel the mist
    From the water and I will be refreshed.’

    There was a fish in the water thinking,

    ‘Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.’
    There was a bear on the shore thinking,

    ‘Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches
    That fish will jump for the fly..
    And I will grab the fish!!’

    It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank
    Of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich….

    ‘Gosh,’ he thought, ‘if that fly goes down three inches..
    And that fish leaps for it…
    That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
    I’ll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.’

    Now, you probably think this is Enough activity on one river bank,

    But I can tell you there’s more….

    A wee mouse by the hunter’s foot was thinking,

    ‘Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches…
    And that fish jumps for that fly..
    And that bear grabs for that fish..
    The dumb hunter will shoot the bear
    And drop his cheese sandwich.’

    A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,
    (as was fashionable to do on the banks of
    this particular river around lunch time)

    ‘Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches..
    And that fish jumps for that fly .
    And that bear grabs for that fish
    And that hunter shoots that bear..
    And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich
    Then I can have mouse for lunch.’

    The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he
    Heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

    The fish swallows the fly…

    The bear grabs the fish..

    The hunter shoots the bear..

    The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich…

    The cat jumps for the mouse..
    The mouse ducks…

    The cat falls into the water and drowns.

    NOW, The Moral Of The Story….

    Whenever a fly goes down three inches,

    Some pussy is gonna be in serious danger.

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