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Rapes are up 5000% in 2 years
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  1. A young fellow walks into a talent agent’s office and says he wants to break into show-biz, so the agent says “O.K. kid show me what you do”.
    The kid tells some jokes, does a little soft shoe, sings a bit, does an acrobatic act with an ottoman, and is good enough to impress the agent.
    “Great kid! Just great!” says the agent “I can do things for ya! I think I can get you a show on T.V.” (this was the early sixties) “By the way, what’s your name?”
    The young man, proud and excited, exclaims “Penis Van Lesbian”.
    “‘Scuse me?” questions the agent.
    “My name is Penis Van Lesbian” again replies the young man.
    “Hey I’m sorry kid, you’re gonna have to change your name, nobody is gonna hire you with a name like Penis Van Lesbian”.
    Well the young man is crestfallen but steadfastly refuses to change his name, so he leaves to find another agent. A few months later he returns to the same agent.
    “Hey kid! Good to see ya again!” says the agent, “Are ya still looking for work? Have ya changed your name?”
    With his head hanging low the young man replies
    “Yes. Every agent in town turned me down because of my name, Penis Van Lesbian. So I’ve changed it”.
    “Great kid, great! What’s your new name?”
    “Dick Van Dyke”



  2. Diversity: The new stupid

    Finally, it’s now understandable why Treasury Secretary – Gabriel “Gabs” Makhlouf – has been such a disaster and why his gross incompetence and failure to meet core public service standards screwed up Socialist Cindy’s puff-piece centrepiece Wellbeing Budget.

    It turns out Gabriel “Gabs” Makhlouf went full retard (never go full retard) on “Diversity and Inclusion” this (apparently) was why he was such a shoe-in for his next job as head of the Irish (lol) Central Bank (nothing to do with being competent or capable) it was because of this nonsense.

    Seems that the SSC might be looking into another aspect of Gabs’ (eye-roll) multi-dimensional fuck-up this week suggesting that Gabs (sigh) broke another one of the golden rules of being a public service CE – he misled his Minister. (in this context one might be forgiven for incorrectly interpreting “misled” to mean “lied like a $2 whore in an Alabama cathouse”.

    Seriously, how many fuck-ups do you have to make before you do the right thing? Accountability? Integrity?

    Still this helps as now we know how to identify a useless idiot – if you work with someone and they’ve gone all-in on the diversity and inclusion bandwagon – you know to watch out and keep your distance. Chances are they’re on a fast track to an idiocy-driven trainwreck. It’s the stigmata of failure.

    Diversity: it’s the new stupid!



    • That would save Vote:Education some serious $$$
      Some of them seem to be in a permanent state of distraction.
      Child’s teacher this year is hapu and will be on maternity leave soon (after less than two terms at the school)
      In between the days off all over the place, the kids have had a running commentary on foetal development and now there’s to be a ‘surprise’ baby shower – everyone bring a small gift. Voluntary of course, but …

      As Agnes Brown would say: “That’s nice.”



  3. Went over to Whaleoil and there was an old picture of Cindy at the field days during pregnancy, by Sally.
    The minders should have told her to change her outfit. It’s not a good look to be wearing tight trousers, with your pampers!



  4. Will Labour pin a medal on the ducks arse and send him into whitless protection this weekend?
    It would be a good way to get rid of him and Helen would get out her deathray stare to send him on his way!
    Who else from Labour is going to be anionted this weekend. Do they need to give medals to all of the 1,000 toadies on the working groups?



  5. Just received this email from the National Party on the COL’s budget:

    Yesterday the Labour-led Government delivered Budget 2019, and behind all the hype and well-being spin, it’s the same old Labour Party.

    Tax, borrow, spend and hope. You just can’t trust them with your money.

    Don’t get me wrong, there are a few things in the Budget I can whole-heartedly support. Mental Health is an issue I care deeply about, and we need to get beyond the politics and deliver for the people that need it most. Housing First is also something I support – it was National that started it and good to see the program getting further investment.

    But what about the hardworking teachers, health services, housing reform, education and the economy – nothing but barely keeping the lights on. Hardly transformational.

    What Kiwis are now seeing is the stone-cold reality of a Labour-led Government, a party that used to represent the interests of those that work hard and want to get ahead, now representing those who don’t work at all.

    Let’s break their botched budget down:

    Economic Growth – 4% to 2.6%
    Debt up by $17 billion
    Jobs – from +10,000 a month, to now -4,000 this year
    13,000 more beneficiaries
    Hardship grants up $48m in a year
    Emergency housing need has tripled – and KiwiBuild not mentioned even once
    Rents up – $50 per week
    Fuel up – 6 month high – now over $2.20 a litre
    Electricity prices going up
    Health funding not keeping up with demand – surgeries decreasing
    No meaningful increase in funding for essential drugs to save lives – no cancer drugs
    Average Kiwis are being squeezed and let down by this Government. Glossy pictures and talk of wellbeing don’t pay the bills, and no amount of good intentions will fill your car up with gas.

    The Budget has shown the economy is sharply declining and the Government still has no plan to deliver the economic growth required to pay for their promises.

    A National Government that I lead would prioritise Health, Education, Infrastructure and let Kiwi families keep more of what they earn.

    New Zealand needs real leadership, everyday Kiwis need a champion, and the economy needs an actual plan.

    In less than 18 months there will be a General Election. I’m ambitious for New Zealand and we’ll be ready to go from day one.

    I’m counting on your support.



    Simon Bridges



    • I did too and emailed back asking where Nationals leadership stands on protecting our freedom and standing up to the tyranny that has been unleashed on us since the 15th of March.

      One botched budget is recoverable, but a one party communist state is a fuckload more difficult to get rid of now they have started taking guns and amping up the military.



    • I sincerely believe many, many supporters of this Col of Losers are now furious with their broken promises and lies, (gullible suckers!) and will refuse to vote the next election. Climate-change-nuclear free moment-end of capitalism blah blah – reality bites the 20-somethings who thought some rainbow revolution was about to take place. Stay home!



      • Talking climate change here is a good read.
        For many years, we have been told that agriculture contributes approximately half of New Zealand’s greenhouse gases. This supposed fact has been seared into the minds of every New Zealander who reads newspapers, listens to radio or watches television.

        What very few people understand is that this supposedly simple fact is based on a dodgy assumption that the effects of methane can somehow be turned into equivalent units of carbon dioxide.

        I liken it to the silly statement that if you have one carrot and one banana then you have three banana equivalents. The problem with such a nonsensical statement is that carrots have a totally different nutritional profile to bananas in terms of fat, starch, sugars, fibre and various micro nutrients.

        Everyone can therefore quickly see that making a global assessment about how many carrots equals one banana is nonsense. It all depends on what nutritional component you are talking about.



    • You mean an email from Labour Lite.
      They have up ticked pretty much everything that Labour has done.
      It’s like Labour Lite (the artist formerly known as National) have been upticking most of their left of centre stablemate’s actions.

      Soymans little hissy fits are like watching a 12 year old doing a terrible twos tantrum.
      He is used to droning on for hours in a courtroom and does not understand sound bites and impact statements. I suspect he never will.
      In ten years time Bridges will be a political footnote like David Shearer.

      Labour Lite should have skinned Mallard over his false rape allegations but instead went on for three days about web site access.
      The media were going to give him some leeway so that they can show some baby teeth (no counter to Jacinduh fangs) to Labour but will not bring down that high spending Govt.
      Let’s not forget the COL has just given the newspapers a million bucks to create 8 new jobs.
      Newspaper welfare payments!
      Bought and paid for.

      The gobby Artists formerly known as National would have been better to stay quiet and let Labour present its “bugger all wellness for most, but lots more govt jobs” Budget.
      The irony of ‘wellness’ was noticed by overseas media even if the softcock NZ media wont squeak up.

      This budget is a continuation of what Klarkenfuhrer did anyway when she increased the public service head count nearly 50% in her term – and Labour Lite (2008 to 2017) only temporarily decreased it by less than 5%.
      Labour promoted tertiary study for women then soaks up the surplus of grads in Womenz studies, Anthropology, and Art History by creating more public servant jobs for feminists with BAs in Bugger All.
      Labour Lite did not really remove them but allowed the feminazisation of the public service to march on.
      I’ll bet the diversity hugging Gabriel Makhlouf would describe himself as a feminist.

      Labour Lite – the NINOs- National in Name only – really can’t gloat as their 1990s economic stewardship was absolutely appalling- most of it under the IRA man – Irish Republican Arsehole, Bolger; now a smelly lefty. And boy does he stink.
      In their 1990s gig L/Lite gave NZ leaky homes that has cost the economy billions, caused stress in thousands of people lives, and meant net housing stock does not increase as so much resource is channelled into rework — productivity anybody!
      Their 1997 electricity deforms are dubious as it disincentivised increasing power production plants.
      They were on the path to totally screwing up ACC when chucked out.
      The gap between Australia and NZ increased substantially in that period.

      Oh, and John Hawesby’s $6 million dollar man payout after one of Shipley’s many failings.
      Money from TVNZ that would have been paid as a dividend back to the coffers but was not.
      Ironically $6 million is the share of the penalty that Jenny Shipley is due to pay as her share of the Mainzeal crash.

      Why did not Labour Lite reform the RMA in the 2008 to 2011 term when they had a majority?
      They talked about it for long enough but it was all talk.
      National policy : yakkety yak.
      This would have been a far smarter use of political capital and resource than taking time out to fk up Auckland City and hand over control forever to True Labour -a gift from Labour Lite.

      Under Labour Lite all main NZ cities went from fairly politically neutral to being run by Labour Pardy people with a green tinge and showing the same economic skills of Jacinduh’s lot.
      With Cull standing down in Dunedin this year I’m sure the Labour lefty conversion will be complete.
      Mayor Clare (Curran) anyone; or Benson Pope might have another go.

      This email has “and let Kiwi families keep more of what they earn”.
      More Labour Lite B.S.
      In nine years – nearly a decade- there was no tax cut – there was a tax swap in 2010:-
      lower Income Tax for higher GST
      then a vague bribe in the future that if you vote for Labour Lite in 2017 they’ll give you a tax cut in 2018.
      No actual tax cuts in that decade.
      Oh yeah, and they’ll reform the RMA, rescind WFF, slow immigration, and have free unicorn milk in all schools, even decile 10.
      Bollocks from left of Centre, Labour Lite.

      I’m glad the yakkety yak Labour Lite and David Shearer Mk II did not send their crap to me.

      Executive summary.
      National a.k.a. Labour Lite talk a big game but when in power do SFA.
      Little Soyman a.k.a. David Shearer Mk II can babble on but will never, ever be PM of NZ.

      [Glad I did not post this on Farrar’s National bible study site; I’d be down-ticked up the wazoo.:) ]



  6. I wonder if Simon/National should have a good look at Destiny’s Man Up programme. If they could see merit in it, then that would be a good start.

    I look at the pictures from Waitangi etc of Brian and his ‘gang’ and if for validity and a sense of structure and belonging is what these men require, then I would rather that they were in Destiny’s gang.

    They would not be the first people to go into politics for a firmly held belief, and thinking that they can help. I find it incredible that there is a belief that they haven’t learned anything since their first foray into politics, if they had not been dismissed so summarily regarding their programme they might not have felt the need to get down and dirty.



  7. Shouldn’t the parents of un-immunised children be fined for endangering the public or something? Is it any different to having HIV and not telling people that you are in close contact with?

    And as for other diseases that are now becoming prevalent again, why not immunise people at the border or make them show proof of immunisation as part of the process?



    • A serious question: If you do the correct thing and immunise yourself and your family why should it matter if some don’t?

      Surely they will contract the disease, they will suffer and die from it while you look on as a disinterested observer.

      The only sanction necessary is the refusal of taxpayer funds for those too stupid to immunise themselves.



      • I don’t do the disinterested observer thing very well.

        Recently I went with a friend with her five year old with suspected chickenpox. We travelled an hour to an after hours medical centre in Hamilton, we were there for hours albeit in isolation, we were able to get a script filled, and they were very helpful getting the patient to take a dose of medicine. They let us go when they had observed him long enough.

        Her one year old contracted it, her older two didn’t, all had been immunised, except the one year old who wasn’t old enough. She took him to our local Drs who saw the patient in the car for five minutes as there were no isolation rooms, gave her a script and sent them on their way to the chemist. We are not equipped for epidemics, and if that was a Darwinian reference, then there are plenty of other examples for that.

        It would affect me some how, it has, so why should it, so prevention is better than cure, kids have to stay home, a bloody nuisance if you are working.

        No human right to go off happily infecting the world. or being careless to the effects on others.



  8. From the even-more-terrifying-news file:


    Someone wants cars to tell drivers when to turn corners, when to change lanes and how much to turn.

    Even assuming your car can tell exactly what every other driver in the vicinity is going to do at that moment I still find it terrifying.

    If you don’t know these things you shouldn’t be driving in the first place.

    Plus is the idiot roadlice going to keep going straight or swerve at the last moment? Is the brat running towards the road going to stop and wait despite what the dog he’s chasing does? Is the old sheila going to stop yakking long enough to actually get off the bloody road anytime soon?

    If car makers are allowed to introduce this bullshit halfwits who buy cars with them fitted will immediately start to rely on them.



  9. I was just reading on a facebook forum that women are going to go WINZ for deductions made for not having named the father, is that going to be a general thing?

    Anonymous plz
    I rung work and income about my deductions for not having the dad on my sons birth certificate they couldnt tell me much but a couple days later my case manager rings me asking why i rang and that they owe me some money for those deductions but i was told years ago that the deductions were taken off as i was in a domestic violence relationship and couldnt force the father to sign the forms i took in copys of the protection order and forms from the community lawyers but they still were deducting my benefit $28 a week my case manager told me they owe me just over $3000 but $28×52wk×11years = $16016
    So just wondering how i can get a list of those deductions as they did not appear on my msd log in and i have rang them to email me the deductions but they said they can not and my casemanager keeps avoiding it can anyone help???



    • They don’t owe you any-bloody-thing!

      The charity you have been receiving has obviously been enough for you to live on for the last 11 years.

      If anything you owe us – the poor bastards from whom the money was stolen.

      Put your grasping hand away and get a job!



      • I wonder if the government factored that into the budget, they set a precedent with the tenants affected by P in their houses.
        It might have been under a Labour Government or still their legislation 11 years ago, that dealt with the benefit level set.



  10. I think 3 issues are going to screw us over.

    1. UN mandate for unlimited Migrants (they will choose Muslims first and Africans 2nd)
    we’ve already been served notice from Labour party HQ on this.

    It is doubly serious as National and Soiman are well behind the ball and even agreeing with Labour on this.

    2. Climate Change (incl sea level rise).
    National have signed up to this already so no difference between them.
    Whether you think it is all a crock, Insurance and govt and Local Govt policies must bend to what they have agreed too.

    This is going to cost those of us who actually pay for stuff.

    3. Freedom of speech
    National and especially Soiman are AWOL.
    more important David Seymour the one seat wonder, was gang attacked including Judith Collins, for defending our freedoms when National said NOTHING!

    I am not convinced National is the saviour some are calling them.
    Simon might be, but all we are seeing is Soiman.



    • You are right Michael
      Last week there was someone from World Vision on radio saying we are discriminating against asian and african immigrants by only taking those with family here.That was followed by a guy from the UN agreeing and saying something like remove that barrier and the skys the limit.!!
      He was all for opening up the border bigtime.
      There have also been reports saying our ‘wellness’ budget is showing the way for the world.
      This underlines to me the experiment we are for the UN and ho.w the ‘wellness’ mantra is UN driven.
      So disappointed National don’t see it.
      Climate change scam also straight out of UN.



  11. WTF has gone wrong over at KB?
    Don’t look there so much since the moderation police took over, but the first comment on a post about Treasury’s referral of their ‘hack’ to GCSB has 19 responses criticising some grammatical infringement or other.


    Poor grammar is irksome, but doesn’t bother me nearly as much as Treasury trying to use law enforcement channels to cover up their own incompetence and to silence the government’s opposition.
    Some folk might have their priorities base over apex at the formerly great Kiwiblog site.



      • Is your objection to liberal based off how the left has claimed it for their authoritarian approach or as a staunch conservative who doesn’t believe in personal liberty or other … ?

        I’m roughly in agreement on Kiwiblog, it has become far too much a clone of socialist group think and not reflective of the freedoms I value.



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The way we all feel about this useless government

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