Taniwha Demands Tolls for New Palmerston North Highway – June 11, 2025
A powerful taniwha said to reside deep within the Tararua Ranges has reportedly demanded a cut of toll fees from the newly opened Te Ahu a Turanga highway, which connects Ashhurst to Woodville. The creature, who identifies itself as Taniwha Rerewhenua o te Motu, has issued a spiritual ultimatum via a local kaumātua, insisting all motorists pay a $3.50 “ancestral access fee” to cross what it calls its sacred domain. Waka Kotahi officials were caught off guard when the announcement was made during a blessing ceremony earlier this week. “We didn’t budget for an interdimensional toll collector,” admitted Project Director Paul Grady. “But we take cultural matters seriously, so we’re consulting with iwi and any available taniwha negotiators.” One source claims the creature is threatening to cause spontaneous sinkholes if payments are not honored. Local iwi Ngāti Taniwha (a group that seemingly formed overnight) have already begun staffing a roadside “spiritual checkpoint” offering EFTPOS donations to appease the beast.
Drivers unwilling to pay the toll are reportedly being cursed with bad fuel economy, flat tyres, and a sudden craving for expensive kombucha. The government has responded cautiously. Minister of Transport Simeon Brown said, “While we recognise the cultural significance of taniwha in Aotearoa, we are reviewing whether this constitutes an official tolling authority or spiritual extortion.” Meanwhile, Greens co-leader Marama Davidson has supported the toll, stating, “It’s time colonial infrastructure starts paying its dues—to both tangata whenua and the beings beyond the veil.” As negotiations continue, locals are adapting. One driver was heard muttering, “I’ll pay the taniwha, but only if he takes Flybuys.” Officials are urging drivers to remain respectful, slow down near the ranges, and carry small change—in case the taniwha prefers coins.
I’ll set up an indulgence booth next to it. Guaranteed results in the afterlife. Pay Now, Pray Later…
I blame the Catholic Church. They gave Maori the idea of using something that doesn’t exist in order to clip the ticket.
All the cunning natives had to do was substitute the make believe deity with a make believe taniwha & the koha started rolling in.
I believe it was Henry’s bunch of infidels that started the rot, not us Good Catholics who came later to ensure true salvation.
“In December 1814, Anglican missionary Samuel Marsden travelled to the Bay of Islands from his base in New South Wales. He came ashore at Rangihoua Bay on Christmas Day and preached the first Christian sermon ever delivered in New Zealand, to Māori and Europeans.”
God’s One, True, Holy, Universal Church only arrived later “The Catholic Church in New Zealand began in 1838 with French missionaries
Are the Labour Party really trying to make a split with the Greens & Te Pati.??
Cheetahs & Spots do not change.
Local Labour MPs Tangi Utikere and Kieran McAnulty wore their Toll-Free Tararua t-shirts to celebrate the opening of the new road without the National Government’s proposed toll.
https://www.labour.org.nz/release_manawatu_gorge_replacement_opens_toll_free
Would not be surprized that some other appeasement, indulgence, further & ongoing top-ups will be extended from the Tri-Coalition government in the near future.
Simeon Brown – Minister of Health.