No Shit Sherlock

The Waterton Chonical

As more and more law-abiding citizens who did nothing wrong surrender their guns to the government, Jacinda and senior NZ Police figures have revealed they’re “a bit shocked, to be honest” to learn that the thousands of criminal gang members throughout the country are more than a little bit reluctant to obey the law. 

Police Minister Stuart Nash was more surprised than most, explaining to this reporter that he honestly thought a good old-fashioned chinwag with hardened criminals about how nice of them it would be to hand over their illegally-obtained weapons was a sure-fire way to get them to comply. 

“We even offered to give them all a hug. Jacinda was really confused as to why that didn’t sway them” he explained. 

“What we’ve learned from the senior leadership teams within the gangs is that they have a different approach to obeying the law, and we respect that.” he added. 

When this reporter asked if the government and police would consider forcing the gangs to comply with the law, Nash initially seemed a bit shocked, before explaining the flaws in that approach. 

“Look… these are vulnerable people we’re dealing with. We can’t just go in and force them to obey the law. They’re not your average law-abiding, tax-paying citizens. Most don’t have jobs and rely on these weapons to redistribute wealth and property from others more fortunate than them.” 

“We feel that if we force them to not do illegal stuff, that will unfairly disadvantage them” he ranted.