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Nothing Would Surprise Me

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Bryan Firebrand

With New Zealand’s Lotto prize pool at $50 million for this Saturday’s draw after jackpotting again last week, Supreme Leader Jacinda Ardern has announced that if it jackpots again she’ll be “redistributing” the money to things that make her look good at the UN.

Speaking from her palace overlooking a secret Fiji beach, Ardern told The Waterton Daily Chronicle she saw a great opportunity to really impress her UN overlords by backing up the random $2m of NZ taxpayers’ money she gave to a village in Fiji yesterday with a further $50m to really hammer home what a communist she is.

“Look, it’s really important to me that I get a powerful job at the UN next year after I get voted out of government in NZ in September, if I last that long, hehe.” Ardern explained with a chuckle.

“So before I get booted out of NZ, why not steal even more of people’s money and give it to someone else? It’s not like those people back in NZ need it.”.

“I don’t know why anyone would be struggling with money, but if they are, maybe they should just sell their house and car or something.”

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11 COMMENTS

  1. I was unfortunate enough to see a picture of this emaciated creature getting of Airforce One yesterday in Australia,not an entourage, just f- – – – – g her by herself, what the f- – -k is going on ? that plane costs between $20.000 to $25.000 an hour to run and maintain can’t the lying gutless POS use the best airline in the world ,Air NZ .
    For a socialist/communist she certainly picked up the “baubles of office”very quickly,no wonder the creature is to cowardly to confront the drunken gnome Peters about his corruption.
    If I hear her or one of her minions blame any downturn on anything but her misshandling of our economy I will do something I’ve never done before,get physically involved with the political process of getting rid of the hollow fast talking POS that she is.
    By the way that article above could very well have been written by Adam Schiff,LOL.

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    • What, where’s the baby and Jethro?
      Maybe the baby was still asleep in it’s carseat
      She had Jetro in Fiji, baby I don’t know?
      Is the Corona virus starting to worry her!

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    • Many years ago when David Lange was PM he visited an African country. When he was visiting villages he had a convoy of around 30 to 40 vehicles. The first half dozen had passengers and the rest only had the driver. Nothing has changed.

      As for where Jethro was hiding maybe he was clocking up some mile high points in the toilet and did not know he had landed.

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  2. Actually nothing would surprise me.I do know this is a satire piece in case some think I think it is for real. Just saying.

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    • Where is the line between satire and plain truth in the Clown World we inhabit? It has become harder than ever to tell.

      10

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      • Now listen here sunshine, NZF and it’s Foundation are as pure as wind driven snow. I tell Youse! As white as Whinestones tighty whiteys!

        5

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    • Yes Lizziep… it is satire (and very good satire at that!).

      But this fucking asshole woman did just give away $2 million to some random villages!

      New Zealand will spend $2m to help Fiji work out how to relocate tens of villages threatened by climate change, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has announced.

      The money will go to the Fiji Trust for research into how to relocate 42 separate communities who have asked the Fijian government for help moving to escape problems like flooding and sea-level rise brought on by climate change.

      It comes from an already-announced $150m package for Pacific climate help.

      Source: https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/119833791/climate-change-nz-govt-pumps-2m-into-helping-fijian-villages-relocate

      You couldn’t invent this stuff. It is in itself satire. “to help Fiji work out how to relocate tens of villages” means an unattributable slush fund disguised as a ‘working group’ which goes straight into the pocket of some chief or other.

      Cunt.

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      • Meanwhile in NZ, the COL have cancelled $60,000 for a group supporting those Kiwis diagnosed with rare illnesses. The example this morning was a 2 year old who has since died and the doctors are still figuring out exactly what he died of. What makes Fiji more in need of NZ taxpayer money than sick Kiwis??!
        Link doesn’t appear to be available.

        10

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      • That sounds right.

        In 2009 Samoa changed vehicles from driving on the right to driving on the left of the road.
        This was to cement its strong relationship with NZ and AU and to recognise that vehicles (and measles) would mainly come from there.

        Previously they would also bring them from American Samoa and Hawaii.
        They were briefly ‘conquered’ by Germany (not a lot of conquests by that lot but they have been easily conquered in the last 5 years. Oh Dear!)
        Germany’s Great Conquest was at the beginning of the 1900s… so when motor vehicles were a new thing. This established the ”drive on the right’ method.

        Then on 29 Sept 2009 there was a large earthquake that caused much damage.

        Good folks did good works and raised money for the people of Samoa to help out.
        The method of distribution was via Village chiefs.
        Let us just say – as suggesting corruption is weally wacist – the sale of (Right Hand Drive) Toyota HiLux went well over the next year in Samoa.

        Possibly, speculating and wacist, that less went into dwelling rebuilding than could have!!
        All hail the Chief.

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  3. Stock markets are extremely shaky ,lets hope Robertson meant what he spouted when he said “the economy is strong and we have funds should there be an economic downturn” .
    Bill english had to manage 2008 and earthquakes and did it skilfully,can you imagine what this shower of shite will do if there is a recession.
    Oh yes of course,set up 9or10 committees and put off any decisions for a couple of years ,that’ll work.

    6

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