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People’s Republic of New Jacindia




Bryan Firebrand:

Teenagers across America have donned their backpacks and facescarfs to get some much-needed outdoors time away from the daily grind of playing Fortnite, uploading TikToks, and receiving “donations” from their OnlyFans in the wake of the death of George Floyd at the hands of a lunatic.

Meanwhile back in the newly formed People’s Republic of New Jacindia, El Presidente Jacinda Ardern has explained, through her complete lack of action, that 4000 people gathering in downtown Auckland to “protest” against police brutality in a different country is completely fine, and not at all a breach of her own government’s level 2 COVID-19 rules.

While our glorious leader herself was unavailable for comment, The Waterton Chronicle did manage to speak to her Deputy Prime Minister, Winston Peters, who for about the 44th time in the last week once again went off-script to explain his thoughts.

“I have absolutely no idea where she is to be honest. Look, she’s probably dragged First Dad Clarke and First Baby Neve along to the riots.. I mean protests.” Winston said.

“I’ll probably get yelled at later for this, but I reckon if we’re gonna let 4000 people hang out together and rant about how bad the USA is, we should probably have a think about maybe trying to let our economy get going again?” added the wily old battler.

This reporter spoke to a “protestor” at the scene, and asked him what he was hoping to achieve.

“Reeee! ACAB! Fxxk da Police yo! Eeeeee! Jacinda good! Jacinda hugs! You racist! Eeeeee!” the protestor, who wished to remain anonymous, explained.

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  1. Such a natural picture of Jacinda, where did that feature. Do leaders get paid fro the advertisig they get in magazines (when they existed of course.)
    Should leaders get paid, does such payment require declaratiion?



  2. Turn Ardern is no more. Every time I go to the petrol station, book shop or supermarket, looking for her ugly visage on the cover of magazines, there are none. Thanks Bauer, you fuckers have taken away the publics means of protest.



  3. Ill presidente is looking not so robust at the moment, difficulties at home perhaps??? or is the job too much for her????? Will there be a wedding? Listening to this shows how they disregard for business in New Zealand. If it were not so dreadful it would be really funny.



  4. This is applied realpolitik.

    You only mass-arrest low-hanging fruit that will “come quietly” and obediently pay any fines.

    Under no circumstances are the police to attempt the mass arrests of:
    – those who will resist violently
    – those who will levy accusations of “racism” against the police (also those who will hold and nurse grudges against the police for generations)
    – those who are Labour supporters
    – those who are members of an “oppressed” class


    I agree with other commentators that the Prime Minister is very keen to maintain her “Anti-Trump” image. No wonder they had a go at Muller for his MAGA hat as if it were a Stahlhelm.



    • The stuupid fool only had to turn it around to Make Ardern Go Away and he would have up set the luuvies and exploded their heads and would have been crying for weeks. But oh no he showed his true wimpy side! He would have been the man and romped home in the election.



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