Is the Bonking Boffin a dangerous fraud?
Hopefully readers have all recovered from their justified hilarity watching the farce of Professor Neil ‘Mystic Meg’ Ferguson, the Bonking Boffin, being exposed for ignoring his own rules about social distancing and self-isolation so he could reportedly enjoy amorous trysts with his married f**k-buddy:
Now the Bonking Boffin seems to be avoiding the media attention he so eagerly sought at the beginning of the Chinese Covid-19 plague outbreak. However, as the Bonking Boffin runs for cover, some people are starting to question why anyone took any notice of the Bonking Boffin’s advice in the first place:
From what little I understand, the Bonking Boffin has made some pretty deluded predictions in the past:
- Bird flu, prediction 200 million deaths. Actual deaths – 282
- Foot and mouth – culled 6 million healthy animals at a cost to us taxpayers of £10bn. The Bonking Boffin (also known as Professor Fraud to those suspicious of the reliability of his now infamous modelling) has apparently now admitted his 2001 modelling was flawed.
- Swine flu – estimates based on Professor Fraud’s model – 65,000. Actual deaths – 457
- BSE prediction between 50 and 50,000 deaths. Here he did get it right (sort of). The actual deaths were 177 which is within his range of somewhere between 50 and 50,000
- Swedish academics using the Bonking Boffin’s model envisaged Swedes having 40,000 Covid-19 deaths by 1 May and almost 100,000 by June. Even a mandatory lockdown was expected to have only limited Sweden’s Covid-19 death toll to 20,000. The latest figure for Sweden is 2,680 deaths, with daily deaths peaking a fortnight ago
Given the somewhat questionable accuracy of so much of the Bonking Boffin’s previous modelling, it seems extraordinary that anyone took his predictions seriously.
And now we find out more worrying information about the Bonking Boffin’s Mystic Meg models:
- An earlier report, in 2006, Use and abuse of mathematical models: an illustration from the 2001 foot and mouth epidemic in the United Kingdom, identified Professor Ferguson’s modelling as having been the biggest driver of government policy. The paper said that “the models were not ﬁt for the purpose of predicting the course of the epidemic and the effects of control measures. The models also remain unvalidated. Their use in predicting the effects of control strategies was therefore imprudent.”
- On 22 March, Ferguson reportedly admitted that Imperial College London’s model of the Covid-19 disease is based on undocumented, 13-year-old computer code, that was intended to be used for a feared influenza pandemic, rather than a coronavirus
- Modellers at Oxford University came up with quite different results for the Chinese Covid-19 plague than Professor Pr**k. But the Government ignored them. Moreover, when people asked to see the assumptions built into Professor Fraud’s mighty model, we were (I believe) told that this wouldn’t be possible as much of the information was in his head and not written down
- We now also know that the Bonking Boffin’s f**k-buddy is a lefty environmental activist, living in a multi-million pound house as do so many self-regarding, holier-than-thou Greenies (hello Emma Thompson and Leonardo Di Caprio and Prince Harry and Meghan). So a cynic might be forgiven for suspecting that the Bonking Boffin’s recommendation to close down the economy and ruin the lives of millions of ordinary people could have been influenced by his political views rather than any supposed ‘science’
From what little I understand, the Bonking Boffin being a professor has a guaranteed job for life. So he wouldn’t be affected in any way by an economic collapse. In fact, it would make life easier for people like him – no more crowded roads, cheaper cleaners and gardeners and housekeepers, no more unwashed plebs on the planes they’d be taking to attend important international conferences about saving the environment or whatever or when they go on expensive holidays that the rest of us could never afford and so on and so forth.
The Bonking Boffin’s amorous antics have made the Government’s whole “Stay at Home – Ruin the economy – Bankrupt Britain” (sorry, I meant of course “Stay at home – Protect the NHS – Save lives”) strategy into a Whitehall farce. I expect it will be with great relief that our floundering government moves on to the next stage of its non-existent strategy for dealing with the Chinese plague.
Meanwhile, having followed the priapic professor’s advice, Britain has proudly shot to number one position in Europe for the number of Covid-19 deaths.
Let’s hope that the next time Britain is faced with some kind of disaster our government won’t turn to Professor Penis for advice.