Home Uncategorised Waterton Chronicle got it right?

Waterton Chronicle got it right?

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Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor

Apparently being a stay-at-home dad with a taxpayer-funded Nanny is a bit much for some people to handle.

In the case of the self-proclaimed First Dad, Clarke Gayford, the question was allegedly never really “if” but “when”.

“I mean, in my defence, she spends all day Zoom chatting with China about fun new ways to fxxk New Zealand.” the keen fisherman said.

“So I thought to myself, I too need to be fxxked.” Clarke explained.

The Waterton Chronicle understands that Clarke is currently holed up in a dark corner of the presidential palace formerly known as Government House, looking around frantically for things to pack.

“Que.” said Consuela as Clarke chose which gifts and memorabilia to take from the Palace.

When asked if it might have been a better idea to just keep his dxxk in his pants, given he is the self-proclaimed First Dad of New Zealand, Clarke was defiant.

“I’m just a big believer in tolerance and stuff.” Clarke explained.

“Like, I tolerate her being Prime Minister, so she can tolerate me fxxking the Nanny occasionally, when i get home from a particularly vigorous fishing trip.” Old Clarke-o explained.

Clarke went on to explain that people don’t understand how difficult it is to not fxxk the servants when your girlfriend is the Prime Minister.

“It’s a tough gig mate.” He told this reporter as he admired himself on Instagram.

17 COMMENTS

  1. Send this to all the media in the country. They are so fucking
    stupid they will publish it.

    7

    0

  2. I wonder what the sponsors of “Fish of the Day” think of old Clarke-o and his alleged antics.
    Air NZ
    Yamaha
    OBC
    Berkley
    JB Lures
    Penn
    Hardy
    LegaSea
    Barkers
    Hutchwilco
    Sustainable Coastlines
    Yealands
    Garmin

    6

    0

  3. Such a hopeful start too. No less than the then Police Commissioner, Mike Bush:

    ……“While in general we do not respond to enquiries which seek to confirm if individuals are under police investigation, on this occasion we can say that Mr Gayford is not and has not been the subject of any police inquiry, nor has he been charged in relation to any matter.”……

    As it is all most of us can do to hope that the Police don’t batter down our doors should we exceed 50kph it behoves us to extend due credence to the Father of the Nation’s Baby.

    9

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    • I’m sure the police can rectify that and come around looking for lawnmowers or was it just the ex partner into lawnmowers?

      8

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  4. NZ Prime Ministers are provided continual protection via the Police Diplomatic Protection Service. As they pretty much live with the current PM & his/her family I think it fair to say that they know how to keep a secret. To the best of my knowledge not one of them has ever broken silence on anything.

    But if walls could talk. PriNZess has a temper & I wouldn’t have wanted to be the poor cop who had to police the domestic when the news of the affair broke. 🙂

    9

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    • You are correct. Ardern is surrounded by armed gunmen 24/7.

      I know former DPS guys. They don’t tell and I don’t ask. I’m ok with that. It’s unprofessional and snitches get stitches, or die in ditches.

      The esteemed members of the Mighty Mongrel Mob Aotearoa agree.

      Kia Kaha

      6

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  5. I can read between the lines and think that all rumours about the mad queen and the fisherman are all true. It’s funny that the media have always been only too ready to be writing about the right.
    You only have too look at what they did to John Key. They have gone all quiet on the mad queen.
    The mad Queen gets lots of leeway with the 50mill shade tree given to them!

    12

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