NZ Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has issued a stern challenge to National Party leader Judith Collins, stating that she’ll hug all of New Zealand’s “team of 5 million” citizens in order to win the now-postponed NZ election.
Fronting the press after Auckland’s reversal into lockdown, Ardern said she’s ready to embrace every citizen literally if it means securing NZ Labour’s vote in the upcoming ballot.
“I thought having a sycophantic media fawning over my every move while not actually holding me to account would be enough. Alas, I’ll have to go that one step further,” Ardern said.
“I thought the hugs at Christchurch and the volcano were enough. I’m not good at much else, but contrived media stunts are my domain, so Judith better watch the fuck out.”
When pressed about how that would conflict with Auckland in lockdown and social distancing protocols, Ardern remained defiant.
“Well, there are exemptions and I think the public have full confidence that the leader of their country would not do anything to jeopardise their safety.”
Judith Collins was unavailable for comment.
The Waterton Chronicle understands the leader of the opposition was too busy talking to average New Zealanders and announcing policies that might actually help them survive in the medium-term.