I’ve never heard such total bollocks in my life as I heard on the news yesterday when brain-dead, snowflake, protesting, school-age climate ecoloons were being interviewed by grovelling, sycophantic BBC and C4 News reporters about the supposed ‘Climate Emergency’.
However, as 16- and 17-year-olds are about to get the vote, I thought it worth spending a few moments trying to imagine the kind of policies these founts of youthful wisdom will be demanding from future governments.
Here are a few of my thoughts on the subject:
1. Tear down the borders – invite them in!
Disband the UK’s Border Force. Send ships to the Libyan coast and bring 50 million vibrant, exciting, multi-cultural enrichers a year from Africa and the Middle East to the UK. All these vibrant, exciting, enrichers to be given free homes, free healthcare, free money, free everything. All to be paid for by taxing the rich.
2. Ban old people from voting
Lower the voting age to 10 years old and take the vote away from anyone over 60 years old. After all, young people should be those who decide the country’s future and anyone over 60 will soon be dead so why should they have any say on the future that faces today’s young?
3. Save the planet
Close down all power stations. Cover every piece of fertile land with solar panels. Put a special ‘power tax’ on the rich as they’re responsible for using the most electricity. Close down all factories. Ban all air travel. Close down Britain’s airports. Make Britain the greenest country in the world although you won’t be able to see any of Britain’s green and pleasant land as it will be covered by shiny solar panels made in China.
4. Ban meat-eating
All meat-eating to be banned except for in Macdonalds, Burger King and KFC. All meat served in Macdonalds, Burger King and KFC to be killed according to Halal rules so as to avoid giving offence to the 50 million people being admitted to Britain from Africa and the Middle East each year. All pork products to be banned completely as they will be offensive to Britain’s Religion of Peace majority.
5. Public-sector jobs for everyone
Guarantee a public-sector job for life for everyone by massively increasing the number of Gender Equality Officers, Inclusion Officers, Environmental Protection Officers, Safe Space Coordinators, Wokeness Development Specialists and Modern Dance Teachers.
6. Police the Internet for ‘wrong thought’
Stop the police wasting time trying to catch criminals like thieves, muggers and murderers. Instead use all police officers to trawl the Internet for any ‘wrong thought’ or ‘wrong speech’. Anyone found guilty of perceived ‘wrong thought’ or ‘wrong speech’ that anyone else finds ‘offensive’ is to be sent to re-education camps and only released when they have achieved ‘full wokeness’.
7. New national census with 100 genders
Conduct a new national census which includes 100 gender choices. The genders ‘male’ and ‘female’ should not be included as they are clearly outdated symbols of an oppressive, patriarchal, cultural dark age. Anyone daring to cynically write ‘male’ or ‘female’ instead of one of the 100 officially-approved genders to be sent to re-education camps and only released when they have achieved ‘full wokeness’.
8. Stop schools teaching outdated subjects
Outdated, irrelevant subjects like Maths, English, Chemistry, Physics and History should be dropped by all schools. Instead schools should teach relevant modern subjects like Gender Studies, Climate Change Studies, Safe Space Development Studies, Wokeness Studies, Social Justice Keyboarding, Political Correctness, Colonialism & White Guilt and Veganism.
9. What else?
You might have other suggestions. You can add these by leaving your comments below.