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New Feminist Tickle Me Elmo Just Says, ‘That Was Not Consensual’

U.S.—In 1996, the Tickle-Me-Elmo doll was released, quickly selling out and becoming the toy sensation of the year. The giggling plush’s popularity led to riots, international counterfeit toy rings, and five civil wars in Eastern Europe. This year, the hottest stuffed toy of the ’90s is back, with some slight changes: The familiar ear-piercing laugh, originally followed by Elmo’s voice exclaiming “That tickles!” has been replaced with several more enlightened responses.

“We wanted an Elmo who was a little more woke to today’s social norms,” explains Sandra Lancaster, Chief of Toy Development at IntersectionaliToys, “an Elmo for the 21st century. In the past, he might have put up with some unsolicited tickling and laughed it off, but now he knows he doesn’t have to stand for that kind of harassment anymore!”

This modern Elmo responds to children’s tickling by slapping their hands away and firmly establishing boundaries through phrases like, “That was not consensual!” and “Silence is not consent!” spoken in his endearing trademark voice.

Other adorable new phrases in the red monster’s vocabulary include:

  • “Hashtag MeToo!”
  • “Monsters not wearing clothes does not mean monsters ‘asking for it’!”
  • “Believe all monsters!”
  • “Kavanaugh should be jailed!”
  • “Topple the patriarchy!”

Lancaster says this is only the first of a new line of progressive Sesame Street dolls. At publishing time, Eco-Warrior Oscar and Vegan Cookie Monster were announced for future release.

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15 COMMENTS

  1. All just a step too far. Time we all just sat back and went on back to the past a little. Not everyone is an abuser for goodness sake. And none they are changing conversations by dolls, Life is not as easy it was not so long ago. Left wing got hold of life and totally f**ked it over. Its all becoming so hard to know what is Ok to say and what is not. I’m too old for this sh*t My grandchildren loved tickle me Elmo. It did NOT do them any damage.

    6

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  2. I have goilwogs. Should I be worried? Should I hand them in? What if the poolice come a knocking?
    I need a safe space and a paper bag to breath into.

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    • Don’t worry Mike. Stuart Nash and the Stasi Commissioner Mike Bush, are formulating plans for a Golly register.

      8

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      • They will sequester 100,000 ‘bad and racist’ dolls.

        Kinda like the 100,000 homes and the 100,000 guns with bad thoughts.

        And establish a campaign to swap Ken and Barbie dolls for gender neutral dolls (made of bamboo, not evil plastic)

        Aspirational stuff!
        Fings will be bedda under Cindy.

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    • I hear a lot of plastic downpipes with end covers were sold prior to the ending of the gun “buyback” scheme. You can do the same with your goliwogs to keep them safe from Socialist Cindy. 😉

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  3. I fell similarly about the McCain ad on tv, showing different types of families, why is it the two daddy family that are kissing?

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    • Gillette learnt the hard way not to piss off your clients when they went all woke over the lgbtwhateverthefuckyouare gang and promoted “SpeciaL” shaving stuff for these “special” shitheads.
      The silent majority voted with their wallets.

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    • Yes I saw that as it flashed past in a nano section on TV, my thoughts were WTF. Note also on telly every second add, as doubtless directed by our Great leader of our communist government, Comrade Jacinda, has an Asian face or person included in it,is this to impress the Chinese government, you are darn tooting it is, and just to keep a nice sense of equality in what I say,watch the news and everytime the CEO of some Government department or organisation, eg just as an example lets say St Johns Ambulance NZ appears they are invariably Poms.Also the occasional Aussie and Yank pops up.Keep an eye on TV for a few months and you will get my drift. Plainly we New Zealanders are not good enough to run these highly paid jobs.

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    • Acknowledging sources is important, so people aren’t triggered to outrage when they should just be having a laugh.

      Yes. In my view aknowledging sources is extremely important because it is good manners and it gives the opportunity of checking something out further, but more importantly, not to acknowledge the source amounts to straight out plagiarism.

      I’ve mentioned this a few times but Ed doesn’t think it’s important. In answer to me he just shrugs it off with something like “if it’s that much of a concern to you, just look it up on Google.”

      This consistent lifting of other people’s work without acknowledgement is a major failing of this otherwise excellent blog, IMHO.

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